Some Reading | 2014 MTV Video Music Awards

I'm so glad I managed to get moved in and get cable set up just in time...

Ariana Grande’s opening…she continues to look like some sort of Care Bear gogo princess--it’s whatever though, I’m just glad her crotch was covered this time.

That bodysuit was right out of Mariah’s closet yet clearly inspired by Beyoncé…unfortunately this had no effect on her stage presence.

Nicki Minaj…The juxtaposition between her and Ariana was almost jarring; the Nickelodeon star can learn a lot about how to properly stomp it out on stage. Nicki slayed and I loved the mesmerized look when they cut to Rita Ora’s face...it was clearly too much booty for her.

I actually think it's real...

Jessie J with Ariana Grande and a very uncomfortable Nicki Minaj…Jessie J is so underrated and I don’t really think Ariana added anything to complement her already stellar vocal, but they harmonized very well together without it turning into a newbie diva screaming match. I felt so bad for Nicki’s rather obvious wardrobe malfunction, but I’m glad she kept it professional and her dress didn’t fall off—can’t be showing all that booty and then titties only 60 seconds later...

Jessie: "Oh no you won't out sing me, hunny!" Ariana: "Nobody even knows who you are--whoooahahaaoaa!" Nicki: "My stylist is so fired."

The host: SNL comedian Jay Pharaoh…his first comedy set was dry.

Taylor swift…Just another high quality production to distract from her low quality vocal.  When she was promenading across the stage I could tell she’d been working on her pigeon-toed gait though, so good for her.

Jay Pharoah again…his Jay Z impression--flawless.

Jim Carey and that other white guy just made me miss Robin Williams even more. That was actually a compliment.

Sam Smith…I love that song and the performance was amazing...his hairline still irks me though...

Rapper Common’s note on Ferguson…it was tasteful…and I was happy the nominations for best hip hop video did not include Macklemore.

...then Jay Pharoah's Kanye impression had me laughing kind of loud.

Usher and a much more put together Nicki Minaj…Usher could have had the throne if Bey had let him…I don’t know what happened honestly, but every time I see him it’s like a really well-rehearsed version of what he did last time

…always the same dance moves…

…same dancers…

…even the same colors…

…I think his gig has gotten a little stale. I don’t know what that song was and I don’t even care.

I was actually living for the over-sized bunny ears, so high fashion.

5 Seconds of Summer…summer is almost over so I think they only have a few more seconds left.

Iggy Azalea and Rita Ora…they looked like very sexy superheroines. I was into it, but it would have been better if Rita Ora had taken a few more liberties with her vocals, the girl isn’t just a footnote in Rob Kardashian’s pathetic love life.

Maroon 5…I have never really cared about this band (and Adam Levine apparently never really cared about the VMAs), but I appreciate how they always managed to put out a jam every summer.  

I don’t think Miley should have won video of the year (Pharrell should have; “Happy” changed lives while her video was more ridiculed than celebrated), but I thought it was wonderful that she gave that homeless white kid a chance to get his message out. Really, I did.

THE QUEEN IS SUDDENLY ON THE SCREEN WITHOUT ANY INTRODUCTION BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY SHE DOES NOT NEED ONE AND I’M HAVING A SMALL HEART ATTACK….IT’S GETTING BIGGER…OMG…OMG…OMG--

Everything just starts flowing into my brain at once: Mine…Haunted…No Angel…Jealous…Blow…Drunk in Love…OMG BLUE!!!...Rocket...Partition…Superpower intro/Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie into Flawless…omg Blue started turning up and I noticed a little bit of snot under her nose had glitter in it maybe it was gold--it was magical…’Yonce…outro of Heaven into Blue…XO…I was totally about to cry now…

It almost looks like Blue has some notes for the Queen...

And then it was all over way too soon (well, not really, I stayed up until 5 am watching it over and over and over).

It wasn’t until during the anointing of her presence that I realized the entire show had been a production of female power and sexuality (straight up pussy power if I’m being completely honest). Starting with the awkward blossoming sexuality of Ariana Grande to the overt and self-possessed sexuality of Nicki Minaj and ending with the most exemplary form of female power and sexual expression in our generation. I was so here for it.

Fashion Faves 

Her highness's red carpet dress was gorgeous, but I thought this one (worn for the press room) was more of a fashion risk for her that really hit the mark.

Jessie J looked absolutely delectable although the color is a little out of season.

This was my favorite crop top/high waist combo on the carpet (a big fashion theme of the night too). Jourdan Dunn looks so simple and sleek here.

Cute and understated. The natural look continues to impress.

Nina Dobrev looked fittingly vamped out.

Honestly, the hemline should have been shortened to accommodate her small frame, but she looked so wonderfully effortless and edgy in this geometric print.

I appreciated her homage to Rose Mcgowan's iconic look (I think Amber did it better).

Charli killed it. The tailoring, the styling, the hair and make up--everything made this wild look absolute perfection for me.

Kylie Jenner left me breathless with this look...do I dare say she did it better than Rihanna?

Nick Jonas is quietly (and randomly) stealing my heart. So grown and sexy.

...and I've decided to include a "What the fuck was going on here?" section:

Thousands of dollars of leather styled to look like a "holla for a dolla hooker" uniform.

Unfortunately those stretch marks across the dress just proved a fake booty isn't for everyone; she was literally bursting at the seams making this otherwise ethereal design look cheap.

I'm trying so hard to get into her new look, but it's probably because she was trying too hard with this look.

I was shocked at how badly this missed...it missed by about three whole inches actually.

I know a lot of people were living for this, but Queen Britney did it so much better that this came off insulting...especially considering it's not Halloween and who the fuck is Riff Raff?

*photos from Tumblr and yours truly.

It was legit the greatest VMAs I’ve seen in a very, very long time. Everyone played their position, sang and danced the very best they could and created moments that would stand as milestones in their careers, all done without any gimmicks or games.

…then Queen Bey shat on all of them and it was so beautiful.