Some Reading | 2014 Grammy Awards

This year, the show promised some pleasant surprises...

The Grammys opened with the American Royal family and they killed it, as expected.

Flawless.

LL Cool J was hosting again…he speaks really well, but his monologues are a little too verbose for me.

The first award given out was to the consummately undeserving Macklemore and that other White Dude…I’m officially over them, everything they do always comes off as contrived.

The Performances and other notes...

Lorde…I have yet to invest in this girl, but I totally think she’s worthy of the hype. Her unplugged rendition of her hit, “Royals” was fabulous and really highlighted her distinctive vocal…and the inky fingers highlighted those weird ass dance moves. 

Hunter Hayes…The kid can sing, but campaigns against bullying seem to generate involuntary eye-rolling.

Katy Perry…"Dark Horse" is the best track on her mediocre album. The Party City costuming and the spooky-looking red eyed wooden horse or whatever the fuck was frightening, but the broom pole dancing? I was here for it.

Robin Thicke and Chicago…The whole thing sounded like boring lounge music. I respect Chicago because they actually have some songs I like, but Robin Thicke will forever be a less talented, older version of Justin Timberlake.

Gary Clark, Jr. and Keith Urban…I remember seeing Clark on a late night talk show a while ago and I was taken aback by his gorgeous bluesy vocals so I was happy to see him getting a chance to shine on such a big stage. All I can remember about Keith was his lesbian hair.

John Legend…Haven’t seen him perform in a minute. The serenade to Chrissy Teigen was nice.

Taylor Swift…That was probably the best she’s ever sang in her life despite the fact that she was clearly enduring an exorcism.

Bruno Mars came out and made me wonder why he of all people was chosen to do the Superbowl….

Pink!…She gave us her usual acrobatic delivery which isn’t as exciting as it used to be, but still remarkable nevertheless. I don’t care for that song she sings with the guy from Fun. He looked like a ‘70s porn star and he sounded squawky and terrible.

Ringo Star…again, much like Chicago, I appreciate their legacy or whatever, but that shit was boring as hell. He just shuffled his wrinkled ass around and sang--it was dumb.

Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons…I already knew this was gonna be incredible based on the collaboration. I’m really not into rap at all, but Kendrick always gets me excited. Performance of the night for me, absolutely electrifying.

Up and coming music group, Kendrick and the Dragons (seriously, they should do that)

Kacey Musgraves…I just felt bad because of who she had to follow…and that dress looked retarded.

Then more Beatles shit I didn't care about.

Willie Nelson and Kris Kristofferson; Blake Shelton and Merle Haggard…more boring old people that I’m supposed to be cultured enough to appreciate. That shit almost put me to sleep. Beyoncé seemed to like it though so I guess I should’ve too.

Kacey Musgraves beat Taylor swift for Best Country Album, even worse, TAYLOR SWIFT WON NOTHING--could this year be the beginning of her decline?

Daft Punk, Stevie Wonder and Pharrell…Their performance was a highlight of the show; it’s nice to see Stevie still hanging on to his receding dreadlocks. 

Sara Bareilles and Carol King…cute, but whatever.

Jared Leto came out…still so sexy...

He's like a sexy Jesus.

Metallica and Long Long…’twas quite dramatic. The production was flawless, but unless you’re a serious Metallica fan, it wasn’t especially memorable.

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (and Madonna and Queen Latifah and a bunch of people tryna ruin their lives getting married)…The marriage stunt was interesting, but I refused to be moved by a bad white rapper and the probably senile pop queen.

Long Long’s tribute Van Cliburn…another throwaway moment.

Miranda Lambert and Billy Jo Armstrong tribute to Phil Everly…see above comment.

Nine Inch Nails and Queens of the Stone Age with Dave Grohl and Lindsey Buckingham…first of all, Trent Reznor has been iconic for a minute now and I was very excited to learn that he was a part of the show line up. I didn’t appreciate them cutting off QOTSA though--that was rude.

Fashion Faves...they were actually more eventful than the show itself.

Her performance costume was dumb, but I thought this look was charming.

She did a pre-Grammy appearance. I want that coat.

Another pre-Grammy look, absolutely stunning, loving the dark locks on her.

Everyone's favorite, mine too, Gucci Premiere.

Only Katy Perry's quirky beauty could pull this Valentino off.

I love menswear on women...not loving her black son as an accessory/damage control.

Best dressed male. That blue was as brilliant as his performance.

I had to acknowledge her--she did good, okay.

*all photos and illustrations via Tumblr and yours truly.

Overall, the show was kind of a snooze. It basically went downhill from ‘Yonce and Jay, came back up with Kendrick and the Dragons and then was kind of whatever from there. There was an odd balance between boring, wrinkly, old white people with sleepy performances and young, up and coming talent with flash and flare. I appreciate the effort to break ground and create moments (no matter how contrived), but it seemed to lack any sense of pomp and circumstance that should have been carried throughout the show.