$2,000 Dollar Negro Speeches

A work-social thing I felt obliged to attend...for the free food of course.

When I read her email, I assumed it was a holiday party--like some sort of faculty get-together to be all festive and act like you didn't want to knife your co-workers hence, I wore a boarder-line obnoxious novelty sweater.

So we arrived and sat amongst Africanized brownness...some more genuine than others...

....there was no food. My time was already wasted.

I was wondering how many of these black men would ask me about my life knowing there was no place for them in it...I had already shaken the silly putty hand of one and I was hoping there would be no time for the act to repeat itself.

That black lady with the fancy tongue was there.

She was one of those women who seemed to insult you just by saying hello.
Light-skinnnn-ded, as the Negros say, with only moderately distinctive African features although she was full-blooded like me. Her hair (of ambiguous authenticity) was leveled and bobbed right at the base of her neck. She wore a beautifully tailored black blazer with slightly puffed shoulders and a gray maxi skirt that was gracefully fluted out.  Just so fucking respectable.

Some shit about Kwanzaa happened...of course, I wasn't paying attention.
Then Miss Fancy Africa got up there and gave a long, over-embellished introduction to Dr. Who Cares, a man whose accomplishments she seemed to be both amused and impressed by as she read them to the scant audience in a grandiose fashion.  As she verbally perused his life, there was nothing he did that made her drop that condescending inflection in her voice.

Real Africans are unable to give a single shit.

Only two minutes into the speech of Dr. Who Cares and I was hard-pressed to leave--but I wanted to know more about dat struggle though...
In the elevator, she cawed in annoyance, "He was supposed to talk about Du Bois and he's talking about China?! And we still have to pay him $2,000?! Students can use it to buy books or food!"

American Eagle novelty sweater and silk shirt

Make up: Stila's "honey", "juniper" and "moss" on top and "breeze" on the bottom; Milani "black cherry" on the lips

I am still very upset about the absence of refreshments. How disgraceful.