thee boots

....currently using the hot weather to loosen them up.

beauty in darkness

...because there is always light.

my bestest friend

--for 5.99 you can have your very own bestest friend too! I'm aware bestest is not a word meant to be used by anyone over five years old and that I'm a little too obsessed with this delightful little glitter bear I found at Target a while ago...

 

...I couldn't even pick my favorite photo--they are all the bestest right? Gawd I'm so bored.

Retroactive Progress

Odd times of the past 

now blurred 

by the clarity of the future.

Day 95: last three this week.

Whore Eyes On

After years of struggling,
you still can't find
your face.

Maybe because
the devil
marred your heart
as he did your skin?

And now your only mission
is to prove what
you will never gain:
that you aren't so ugly
as they say,
despite the traces of
filth
that forever permeates
your physical body.

May God Bless You as many times as
he has used you
to test me.


 Day 76: Rationale

Angelina

I think she did it knowing...

Shallow coughing would send the fawning boys into frenzied concern.
"You okay there, Angie?"
"...yeah, you sound a little rough there!"
Her condition was superficial of course.

Large, doe eyes the color of black tea when the light hit them; always fully lined with the deepest pigment and adorned with lashes that almost touched her brows (natural, I'm sure).
Pale skin with delicate flushes of pink
and that long, raven hair...
...and she was thin. Not skinny-thin.
The type of frame that sells things like
over-sized men's shirts, Uggs and leggings as pants.

She didn't have to try.
She would cough and send the earth's gravity in her direction.

Her beauty broke hearts and she never gave away her own...
...she just sat there, in the back row, her slender legs outstretched (the muscle probably atrophied from all her lack of exertion) her hair up in a deliberately disheveled ponytail
her vapid stare consuming none of the classroom debate.
Because that type of attention was completely unnecessary.
Why challenge a world that allows you to float along ever so gracefully on a legacy of privilege?

I remember one time she offered a half-eaten bag of jelly beans to the few people still milling around after class.

I hate jelly beans.

But she was offering a valuable souvenir from a world I had never been a part of--she offers scraps from her plate and we scramble for a taste of the crumbs, hoping to indulge in the mere association of such effortless superiority...

When I went back to my room, I stared at the bag for a moment as I nibbled the less obnoxious flavors. I had hoped they would somehow be succulent morsels I had been so lucky to acquire given that they had obviously been anointed by a goddess of ultimate desirability... 

But they were not
and I couldn't stomach anymore so I threw away what remained. 


Day 58: submitted one local

Quick Randomness

This week all I've done is eat, work and apply for jobs. Like, that's it.

Oh, and after watching hours of this young lady, I'm convinced I need a pair of black flatform sneakers.

Finally, here's a slightly creepy edit of my father walking away from me:

Day 52: submitted two more.

The Dead Roses Series | Spilled Horizon

When I started this photo series last summer, I was in a really dark place (mostly in my mind because summers in MI are actually quite pretty). I think now that I've finally decided take control of my future, this final photo in the series is very fitting. For a very long time, I let fear and uncertainty create dark spaces around me and weigh me down and even though this still happens sometimes, at least now I know there's a light--a really bright light--that will eventually flood the darkness and reveal my truth. 

Day 11: the saga continues...I'm wondering how I'm gonna tell my boss I'm leaving...

The Butterfly Series | Ascension Path

... obliged, but weightless and now, 
too pretty for this scene.

Day 8: Submitted the first ap; starting another cover letter.

The Dead Roses Series | Runny Yolks

I could have called this something like 'Dead Baby Chicks' or 'Aborted Poultry', considering how morbid this photo series has been in the past, but I thought I'd be more literal this time. For this edit, I removed all the contrast and some of the shadows and I flattened out the colors to give that saffron glow a more vintage feel. This photo does not provoke any thoughts in particular aside from a broken egg yolk bleeding into egg whites, but I do like how the surfaces of the petals are slightly visible because it adds an interesting texture to the image even though the actual state of the plant is still ambiguous.

The Butterfly Series | Still Life

I think the only reason I was able to get so close is because the butterfly was too scared to move; it stayed in place for a good 20 minutes while I took shots from every possible angle and distance. This shot was selected because I liked the simplicity of the colors and how the subject appears to be resting on a leaf when it's actually on glass.

The Dead Roses Series | Civil Twilight and Concealed Death

I love the serenity of this edit; I adjusted the color so it's mostly a flat wash of hues, but I kept the little glimmer in the corner to add some dimension.  The left half reminds me of that moment when the sun is just starting to light up the sky, while the other half looks like some sort of veil for a ghost or a dead body at a wake...so morbid, I know.

Sexy Breakfast

I actually take the photography I put on here somewhat seriously; I say somewhat only because I'm nowhere near a professional photographer. My growing passion for composing photos comes from my desire to learn how to communicate with images more effectively. The classes I took on design and photojournalism in college helped me learn how to take things like color, lighting, and framing into consideration during the editing process, but blogging is still a learning experience. I'm always okay with the images I publish as long as I do my best to clearly represent what I want to say and how I want the viewer to feel.

Here, I'm saying this breakfast was delicious and I want you to feel like eating your screen.

Lazy Angels and Curious Cats

This dress is actually a really long, sheer blouse; I had my disco shorts and a tank under paired with sheer tights (Marshall's, AA, U.O., resp.).

Make up: Stila's In the Garden palette; "breeze", "bark", and "sage". A light wash of Revlon balm stain Adore.

These three African kids that had been playing basketball on the court nearby decided to walk into my spot...I was mildly annoyed. The oldest one, a boy wearing red basketball shorts and a black hoodie marched right up to me and stood about a few feet away staring awkwardly..."CAN I HELP YOU?" I asked. 

He responded with a quick shake of his head and walked away while the other two, a girl and a boy, watched from a short distance. None of them could have been older than 13. Before he walked away, the younger boy turned around and in a mocking display complete with ghetto girl gesticulations, he cried, "well excuuuuuuuse meeee!"
I was now mildly amused.

I continued shooting and selecting, but was interrupted again when a little white figure approached mewing desperately for my attention...a fence would create a bit of a dilemma and a saga would ensue...

"...hi."

"...I don't know who you are, but it looks like you have time to pet me..."

"...who put this fence here...?"

"...seriously, how do I get around this fence so you can pet me?"

"...maybe I should climb it..?"

"OMG, I REALLY NEED YOU TO PET ME."

"MOVE THIS FENCE DAMMIT."

"...whatever, you're useless..."

"...there must be another way..."

"...why is this fence still here though?"

"....wait--WAT??!!!"

"HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT NOTICE THIS????"

"let's pretend this never happened..."

...She later sought attention from those African kids just before I departed.

It was off to the grocery store and some more browsing at the mall for the ever-changing wants list. Today I was looking for some nice OTK boots.

 

The collegiate chattel would ride with me when the bus finally showed up. 

There was a group of four girls that walked on and sat together; two black, two white. Two of them shared a generic commonality that would prove unremarkable to me, but the other two were bound only by superficial descriptions with details that created a stark separation...I was intrigued.

The first possessed ungraceful features coated in a muddled complexion. Clad in a geometrically stitched, deep red knit and wildly unflattering black leggings paired with fake suede slouchy boots that were probably manufactured in 2005, she looked like Precious except 60 pounds lighter, but still 100 to spare. She towered up to the height of the overhead grab bars as she gazed down at her white comrades, affectionately stroking the long, wavy brown hair of the one on the outermost seat as they chatted away throughout the ride. There was envy in her crooked smile.

The second might as well have been born from seeds produced by an entirely different diaspora on an entirely different planet. She possessed a beauty so pure that she would forever be faultless. A bouncy mane of pistachio tinted tight curls of the more desirable pattern and a caramel colored, satin complexion. She even wore white to accentuate her angelic visage. As she texted away on her phone she seemed unbothered as her lesser companion devoured all the attention and the lighthearted banter went on mostly without her.  However, she must have known it was of no consequence. 

One will do their best to distract others from impulsive feelings of disgust after consuming her presence, while the other will have no trouble procuring approval from anyone and everyone caught in her light...a simple reality of their division.

At the mall I would add something else to my wants list...

It was windy so I wore my menswear Levi jacket...it was omitted from the original shoot because who cares.

 Another abbreviated day with less to come in the future.

The Butterfly Series | Pensive Release

Suddenly reflective

as an era quickly 

comes to an end.

Living Surrealism

There's nothing worse than having a roadblock tell you why you're stuck.

I woke up slightly less half dead; the only agenda was to pick up even more of that precious money I was still so fucking grateful for.

I took all three buses to get there and when I walked in, it was as if for the first time...why the hell did  I work here again? The transaction wasn't the drama I sarcastically envisioned; it was cold and right to the point...almost a couple hundred dollars and still a bit more to come...muted feelings of momentary happiness as I walked out the door minutes later...then a halting sting of defeat as I remembered his words last night..."that's why you're here..." it made me want to kill myself so he'd be left with no one. I've basically survived, so why can't he?
Street styling cheered me up afterwards...I hate when I miss a shot though; this time it was pink coral brogues and opaque black tights, the rest was a beautiful ode to the season...I should have stopped her...she was walking so slow, I could have simply caught up with her and snapped away...but maybe I lost my nerve? I don't know...nothing seems as compelling as it used to be.

shoes...Gee WaWa Fatales

Trash Over Treasure

I find all this postcard-like perfection disconcerting. I'm pretty sure the grass was left mostly uncut to disguise the fact that this is actually a dumping ground for the homeless and passing pedestrians. As usual, I did my best to select the photos that looked the least posed...the scenery here looks fake enough already.

Make up: Stila's freesia combined with a green eye pencil by Milani; Stila's bark and moss on the lid. Revlon balm stain in adore.

....okay, this one is clearly posed, but I look fucking fantastic though riiiiiiiiiiight?! #ShamelessFBlogger.


sweater...Gap
menswear shirt...vintage
leggings...custom made
boots...Born
bag...Urban Outfitters