Highlights and Heavy Hitters:
The opener, USHER: Mr. Raymond basically proved why he's the closest thing to Micheal Jackson that today’s crop of R&B pop singers will ever produce. Imagine if he fell on that treadmill though? Bet he would have made it look like a part of the choreo.
PINK: She basically had the performance of the night for me; she was twisting turning, body slamming, stretching errything out and she took a toe to the crotch--all while singing live. I live for her performances.
KESHA: Girl went to work though! She was serving me some Britney (from before she decided to stop dancing), some Ellie Goulding with the drum playing and just some all around Ke$ha energy with that fairy-princess-on-acid look she's always rocking. Loved every moment of her performance.
ON MISS ONIKA: Nicki Minaj’s performance was a bit lackluster, but I would have forgiven her had the bitch not worn a diaper.
She did. I saw.
White hot pants over opaque white tights = diaper, okay.
With Nicki's other looks, I thought the black dress during her second acceptance speech was amazing and I liked her look during Bieber’s
THAT PESKY CANADIAN: Since we’re on the topic, when you look at the way Bieber performs next to the 7 minutes of incredibleness Usher did to open the show, there’s really no comparison. That little boy has got A LOT of learning to do as far as I’m concerned. He’s not as sharp, crisp, slick or as ANYTHING as his mentor and it always disappoints me when I see him trying to keep up--I mean, I've never been here for Chris Brown, but at 16, he was leagues ahead of Bieber performance-wise. That boy is LUCKY, okay. That is all.
CHRISTINA AGUILERA STILL SUCKS: wtf xtina? That literally 5 seconds she spent in Pitbull’s performance was better than the 5 minutes of my life she wasted when I watched her basically getting get helped up and down stairs amidst a bunch of random circus freaks while just barely hitting her signature notes. That performance had so much potential to be epic (the Lotus intro with the ballet dancers was awesome, riiiiiight?), but it ended up being a poorly produced, forgettable appearance. Her costume fit better, but her decline continues.
Other Notes and Highlights:
That was probably the worst tribute to Whitney Houston ever. Really, why did they even bother?
Brandy: "We’ll miss u Whit, now let’s watch these tatted up black men jump around like some retarded auto-tuned monkeys."
Why the hell couldn’t someone sing a song or something??? Was someone in AMA production like, “noooo, everyone has already said something about one of the greatest voices in the world, the American Music Awards doesn’t have to do anymore, not necessary at all...” I was annoyed.
Carrie Underwood: I thought the dress looked great plus, she brought her sexy hubby and consistently awesome vocals. She continues to make country music digestible to mainstream audiences; that black-suit-Cadillac song was actually pretty cool.
No Doubt: They can do no wrong in my book. Gwen is perfection and I found their performance completely unoffensive.
The Wanted proved why it takes real men to get the job done—take note, One Direction. Those vocals were on point however, seeing the Backstreet Boys present an award reminded me that America will ALWAYS have the best boybands in the world—we gotta see some choreography other than random finger-pointing and jumping around mmmkay.
Linkin Park: They basically deliver the same performance every time, but at least it reminded me to download that song, it was hotness.
Carly Rae Jepson: Cute girl. Cute songs. Cute performance. Oh, and those western stiletto short boots or whatever--yeah, I want shoes like that...
Kelly Clarkson: I applaud her for looking less pregnant than she usually does and maintaining perfect vocals. She’s definitely one of the very few American Idol alums that matter these days.
Taylor Swift: My fellow tall skinny girl continues to find ways to make up for her equally thin voice by impressing the hell out of me with her always well-produced performances. Bitch had a costume change, amazing make up, choreography, and her acceptance speech dress was also quite stunning.
The Closing, PSY AND MC HAMMER: Of all the Kpop acts Korea has been trying to push into this country this is finally the success they’ve been waiting for and it figures he performed with MC Hammer because I have a feeling he will basically have the same career. As soon as "Too Legit to Quit" started playing I couldn’t help myself and I was bopping along to the beat; that performance was the perfect closer.