Highlights and Heavy Hitters:
The opener, USHER: Mr. Raymond basically proved why he's the
closest thing to Micheal Jackson that today’s crop of R&B pop singers will
ever produce. Imagine if he fell on that treadmill though? Bet he would have
made it look like a part of the choreo.
PINK: She basically had the performance of the night for me; she was
twisting turning, body slamming, stretching errything out and she took a toe
to the crotch--all while singing live. I live for her performances.
KESHA: Girl went to work though! She was serving me
some Britney (from before she decided to stop dancing), some Ellie Goulding
with the drum playing and just some all around Ke$ha energy with that fairy-princess-on-acid look she's always rocking. Loved every moment of her performance.
ON MISS ONIKA: Nicki Minaj’s performance was a bit lackluster, but
I would have forgiven her had the bitch not worn a diaper.
She did. I saw.
White hot pants over opaque white tights = diaper, okay.
With Nicki's other looks, I thought the black dress during her second acceptance speech was
amazing and I liked her look during Bieber’s wannbe-but-neva-gonna-be-Usher
performance.
THAT PESKY CANADIAN: Since we’re on the topic, when you look at the way Bieber
performs next to the 7 minutes of incredibleness Usher did to open the show,
there’s really no comparison. That little boy has got A LOT of
learning to do as far as I’m concerned. He’s not as sharp, crisp, slick or as ANYTHING as his mentor and it always disappoints me when I see him trying to
keep up--I mean, I've never been here for Chris Brown,
but at 16, he was leagues ahead of
Bieber performance-wise. That boy is LUCKY, okay. That
is all.
CHRISTINA AGUILERA STILL SUCKS: wtf xtina? That literally 5
seconds she spent in Pitbull’s performance was better than the 5 minutes of
my life she wasted when I watched her basically getting get
helped up and down stairs amidst a bunch of random circus freaks while just barely
hitting her signature notes. That performance had so much potential to be epic
(the Lotus intro with the ballet dancers was awesome, riiiiiight?), but it ended up
being a poorly produced, forgettable appearance. Her costume fit better, but her decline continues.
Other Notes and Highlights:
That was probably the worst tribute to Whitney Houston ever. Really, why did they even bother?
Brandy: "We’ll miss u Whit, now let’s watch these tatted up black men jump
around like some retarded auto-tuned monkeys."
Why the hell couldn’t someone sing
a song or something??? Was someone in AMA production like, “noooo, everyone has already said
something about one of the greatest voices in the world, the American Music Awards
doesn’t have to do anymore, not necessary at all...” I was annoyed.
Carrie Underwood: I thought the dress looked great plus, she brought her sexy hubby and consistently awesome vocals. She continues to make country music digestible to
mainstream audiences; that black-suit-Cadillac song was
actually pretty cool.
No Doubt: They can do no wrong in my book. Gwen is perfection and I found their performance completely unoffensive.
The Wanted proved why it takes real men to get the job done—take note,
One Direction. Those vocals were on point however, seeing the Backstreet Boys
present an award reminded me that America will ALWAYS have the best
boybands in the world—we gotta see some choreography other than
random finger-pointing and jumping around mmmkay.
Linkin Park: They basically deliver the same performance
every time, but at least it reminded me to download that song, it was hotness.
Carly Rae Jepson: Cute girl. Cute songs. Cute performance.
Oh, and those western stiletto short boots or whatever--yeah, I want shoes like that...
Kelly Clarkson: I applaud her for looking less pregnant than
she usually does and maintaining perfect vocals. She’s definitely one of the
very few American Idol alums that matter these days.
Taylor Swift: My fellow tall skinny girl
continues to find ways to make up for her equally thin voice by impressing the
hell out of me with her always well-produced performances. Bitch had a costume
change, amazing make up, choreography, and her acceptance speech dress was
also quite stunning.
The Closing, PSY AND MC HAMMER: Of all the Kpop acts Korea has been trying
to push into this country this is finally the success they’ve been waiting for
and it figures he performed with MC Hammer because I have a feeling he will basically have the same career. As soon as "Too Legit to Quit" started playing I couldn’t help myself and I was bopping along to the
beat; that performance was the perfect closer.
lol niki did look like she was wearing a diaper lol
ReplyDeletemy blog
thecloudgalaxy.blogspot.com
I AM DYING over this accurate and hilarious AMA review. My glitter queen Ke$ha totally killed it, in my opinion. Really loving your accompanying sketches too!
ReplyDeletexo,
Sabrina
http://www.rougespark.com