Some Reading | 2016 American Music Awards

I was expecting an entertainment level of status quo mediocrity to be honest...

I thought at this point Bruno didn’t need an introduction, but there was Gigi Lumpface and Jay Pharoah bringing out his latest black cookout act. I didn’t care about the song, but I’m sure it will be a radio hit if it isn't already.

By the way, I remember when Rihanna opened the awards six years ago and it is STILL one of the best openings I’ve ever seen (she wasn’t smoking as much back then so her vocals were actually there).

Gigi Lumpface has the voice of a drunk, fat sorority girl? Her Melania Trump face was kind of funny…but nothing else in their monologue was.

21 Pilots wins something that is not for rap…we’re off to a good start.

One of the more talented boys from One Direction had some sleepy ass song to perform…I took a food break, but I will say that his voice sounded very pleasant in the background.

Then I had to sit back down for my secret obsession Fifth Harmony. They performed "That's my Girl" (it's a jam); the production was a little sloppy, but I thought they did an amazing job and their stylist didn’t screw anyone over this time...

even Ally looks good!

Drake wins something…apparently he has some record with Michael Jackson or something I don’t care about.

Halsey and the Chainsmokers tried to turn up with that annoying song that says at number one. The only thing I liked was her outfit and bald head. 

not a bad looking elf tho...

James Bay left the realm of Lindon to give a very soulful performance. I did like his vocal performance especially when it got really quiet during the bridge part and I could hardly hear what he was singing like he forgot his own lyrics or something…it was good. 

Shawn Mendes…I don’t know what that little white boy was yelling about--and then they had the nerve to let him do a second song with those scream-cry vocals, but based on audience cutaways I was supposed to like it…?

The Weeknd…I like "Starboy" a lot, but I miss his old hair for reasons…it was a lively performance and he actually looked great; I think fucking Bella Hadid improved his style.

Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj…"Side to Side" is growing on me…Queen Nicki was out there  stroking her puss on network television (ABConnectedToDisney at that) and they did not crop or cutaway. What a time to be alive. 

Teyana Taylor almost fell over walking out to present an award and she of course turned it into a dance move--LOVE HER.

...strategically cropped in hopes that one day she will get her music career back on track and start winning awards.

John Legend (introduced by his potty-mouthed wife) did some song that will probably end up in the background of a life insurance commercial.

...this was the most exciting part of his performance.

21 Pilots…I liked the masks not only because they both really weren’t much to look at, but because it genuinely added interest to their stage performance, which actually had pretty legit production. Good for them. 

Justin Bieber phones in another performance. I’m so bored at this point.

Lady Gaga…she did amazing. I’m so happy people can see her more as a vocalist rather than just a flamboyant visual performer. 

That Jay Pharoah is getting more and more annoying--are impressions the only trick for this pony?

Green Day performed with all the faux rage they had during the Bush administration. I’m not impressed with whites complaining about the problems they created. 

Billy Jo must be a vampire--he looked GREAT tho

Sting sounded like shit...hope he's not still charging people to hear those dried up vocals.

Nicki Minaj is back with DJ Khaled…I still don’t know who the Negro with the bun on his head was, but he was lip syncing too hard…Future and Rick Ross were also present…lip syncing extra hard too, like isn’t rapping just talking? How can they not talk? Queen Nicki did deliver live vocals however little they were.

Selena Gomez was trying to tell women to stop showing their bodies on Instagram…but she’s out here….I mean….and wasn't she Justin Bieber's fuck buddy for like EVER? I still love that bitch regardless.

...look at her...judging your whole life right through the screen.

Kendrick Lamar and Maroon 5…I already didn't like the song and I’ve never heard it before. It literally sounded like every mediocre pop song I’ve ever heard combined together…yet another advertisement ready jingle.


I thought the show was pretty generic overall. There were some memorable moments, most notably Prince winning for best soundtrack; his sister’s speech was so moving. Performance-wise, Lady Gaga proved why she deserves her icon status without even putting shoes on and considering 21 Pilots is relatively new, I think they made a pretty decent impression even though they’ll be nobody in five years.


Fashion Faves

This was my favorite look of hers...had to crop her face out because...her face.

The more I look at this dress, the more I love it. So much levity and sass; I loved the way her textured hair complemented the volume of the dress.

Keke Palmer serving Lil Kim/Toni Braxton/Mariah Carey '90s diva looks-SO HERE FOR IT.

When Ciara walked out on stage I almost didn't notice she was pregnant because of the optical illusion with the bodice. She looked so classic and radiant.

Gaga looked slick af. The Joanne era is her best style era as far as I'm concerned.

Teyana continues to solidify her sex symbol status.

Zoe Saldana is all about taking a risk and sometimes it doesn't pay off, but this time I was really charmed by this patriotic sequined look.

I can't always remember his name, but Nial Horan was the best of the men; this suit print was gorgeous and so well-tailored.

Some Reading | 2016 MTV Video Music Awards

First of all I was happy to note that this show was relying almost entirely on established talent instead of new mediocrity…


Rihanna opens, which I wasn’t expecting because of…reasons. Then we learn that she’s going to perform three more times…anyway, I was bored with that opener despite the lively Pepto-bismol production.

Key and Peele are hosting and I was here for it…at first.

Diddy is now back to Puff Daddy and he’s wearing a kimono. Definitely here for that. He had to accept a vma on Drake’s behalf and said he would have to fight him for it.

Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj…okay so I think she maintained a pretty decent vocal while BIKING and Rihanna can’t even perform for 10 minutes straight. No I still couldn’t understand what she was singing, but at least this time there was a reason plus she and Nicki looked great (I need that pink bodysuit).

...and I need Nicki's boots.

Alicia Keys comes out with a somewhat impromptu-ish performance (at least I wasn’t prepared for all that). She presented an award to Calvin Harris who neglected to thank Taylor Swift for writing and singing on “This is What You Came For”.

Future…I honestly didn’t know at first because all of these trap negros sound the same to me.

…and now another negro I don’t always understand, Kanye West. At some point he calls himself his own role model, which I expected and then he made a comment about the systematic disenfranchisement of black people also, he further dragged Taylor; scattered as usual, but still, there was a valid point.

TEYANA TAYLOR HAS ONE OF THE BEST PERFORMANCES I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE OMG. She is unreal.

...and it was reported that her post baby body has nothing to do with the gym...kill me.

Now Rihanna had finished her blunt in time for her second performance, it’s very dancehall this time…so I was still bored.

Rita Ora makes her customary appearance and helps introduce Nick Jonas who is also becoming a customary performer…at least Pepsi thought it was epic because I didn’t care--except for the obvious:

I'm so proud of Miss Prada tho :`)

BEYONCE

I'm writing her in for president.

She opened with a very powerful tribute to those murdered by white cops then gifted us with a cosmic, Afro-centric mini Lemonade concert. I was lifted.

BRITNEY

The shadow visual was sleek and fresh and her look was on point. I felt like that white rapper got way too much time. Then she sings someone else’s song? And then the white rapper keeps rapping like…? And then he had the nerve to try and make out with her?? Did they know that Bey was before her so they were just like fuck it just do whatever…? I was a bit disappointed with some of the choices made here, but still very pleased with her overall production and presentation.

The Final Five (minus Gabby who was probably just trying to avoid Twitter niggers) present an award to the Queen, who looked regal as fuck, wow:

Goddess looks

At this point Rihanna has caught her breath for another performance…she had trouble hitting any key for her "Needed Me" rendition, but her talk-singing for the rest was actually quite good along with the dance performance.

Her face says it all.

Halsey and the Chainsmokers…they should’ve gone with the other white girl and performed that “Don’t Let Me Down” song. I was at least here for Halsey’s appearance, reminiscent of a much more talented star…

...at least she knows who's more original.

(from the "Try Again" video")

Then Rihanna closes the show with her final wailing…it was in key and she looked amazing. Her fuck buddy presented her with the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard award.

Unpopular opinion: I don't like them as a couple.

This year's vmas was iconic as fuck in my opinion, I'm not even going to attempt any negative critiquing because it was an enjoyable viewing with way more highlights than low points. For the first time I actually stayed up and re-watched the unedited broadcast until it went off; first to see how Queen Bey kept that Fendi fur on while thrashing around, then to see Queen Britney curve that white dude and finally to ask God why he didn't make me look like Teyana Taylor.

Fashion Faves


Normani...I'm legit counting down the days until she goes solo, this girl is a star.

Naomi...super fucking model.

Kim K...sex on wheels.

Halsey...the girl made some great style choices that night. I loved the sheer jumpsuit and she actually looked like she took a shower.

Desiigner...the slickest of all the men (most of whom looked amazing too). I think his lack of a shirt actually adds to the sophistication in a weird way.

Britney...clean sexy looks

Nicki...this is royal blue--RO-YAL.

Beyoncé...front to back, this look took my breath away.