Tuesday, September 25, 2012

...and so The Beginning of the End begins...

I walked in about ten minutes to the scheduled time and I informed one of the girls that I was here for orientation. It was the second time I'd seen her; Dutch white, neat brunette bob, average stature, pleasant features, but unremarkable attractiveness. 

I was sent to a table where another girl was seated; I took a seat in the stool facing her. She was watching one of the large monitors overhead and she said nothing to me as I sat down. Are you here for the orientation? 

She responded in the affirmative and continued to stare at the screen as if she couldn't be bothered to engage with me and was perfectly comfortable in awkward silence.  I was not.

My name's Ezi, by the way.

Her response was as unmemorable as her appearance--A-whatever, I don't care to remember. She was mixed--with skin light enough to suggest an ambiguous combination. She had long, curly hair pulled into a bulky, twisted bun and little square glasses that did nothing to enhance her features. She wore one of those thin North Face jackets that all the white kids on campus wore to act like they're sufficiently clothed in 20-degree weather, paired with the type of denim found in the clothing section of a grocery store. 

Her mouth stood out amongst her modest visage; everything about her was ungraceful, but her lips were a dainty pink color and were carved into a perfect pout. It's remarkable how some people who appear relatively homely can show such overt beauty.

She was young--maybe 19 or 20, still a student, possessed ghetto dialect (terminology I learned from one of my white professors) and was moderately assertive in behavior. Typical Young Black With Potential coming from a background that stunted her youth; eager to please and bound to fail.

We were presented with a packet of rules and regulations; it was some 30 pages or so of signing and dating...

Then a manager arrived to go over the material. Unambiguously black. Of average everything. Dressed as casually as A-whatever. She was friendly without trying to make friends and to the point without being harsh. She came off like the type of person who would be totally cool and casual until you fucked up once only to have her terminate you without even batting an eyelash. Not even her stories of motherly distress and joy could appease my wariness. I knew I had to be really keen because she would watch me harder than the rest. 

She complained of the heat in the room and was feverishly draining a large cup of ice water in between talking. She asked one of the girls to get her a third glass (I had given her mine after she was done with the first) and when the girl came over with a fresh glass, naturally, I inspected her. Something inside me recognized her and before I could stop myself, I asked if she shared my academic past.
She answered a short 'no' with a tight, toothy grin.
This girl was pretty; not drop dead or anything, but obviously pretty. She stood slender and slightly above average height with shiny brown hair, childlike almond eyes and the type of smile that looked like her parents were rich enough to provide for legit dental care.

I've always hated girls like that; the ones with looks good enough to threaten, but a presence innocent enough get away with things. I would always have to try harder and she would never lift a finger for the rest of her life.

There are lessons He will have me learn from all of them because it's not enough to know my own worth...here, that knowledge is useless.

bag...Urban Outfitters
trouser shorts...The Limited

1 comment:

  1. I like your outfit ^^ Very trendy ^^

    Thanks for the comment on my blog ^^

    I flowed you now ^^

    Love Emi



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