Only He can Lift Me Up

I woke up later than I wanted, but I didn't rush. Rushing for what? Nobody else is in a hurry to reach inferiority. I thought I would at least change my pants and maybe my shoes, but I decided I should retain the same image of plainness and well-hidden conscientiousness that I had yesterday.   My pashmina scarf was my attempt at looking presentable and although my shirt went unseen, it had ruffles on it so I actually would have appeared to be giving more of a shit than I did yesterday. 

I was supposed to chat with another lady in a second interview at 2:00 p.m. and it was around 1:00 p.m. when I stepped out to catch the first bus. I knew I should have left at least 20 minutes earlier; I needed two buses to get there and there was no way I was getting a ride. That is the nature of my life...it's full of wonderful little inconveniences and roadblocks usually in the form of unhelpful people, which is why I hate them so much. 

My wait for the first bus was only 5 minutes. God was smiling at me. By the time I caught my second connection, it was just after 1:30 p.m.; I was going to be early. I guess He wants me to have this crappy job too.

I quickly rolled some red onto my lips--not too much, I wanted to look a little worn out; that was the look today, worn out table-waiting tart. I let my wig fall a little more haphazardly too, like, look at me, I'm all over the place, you have to give me this job so I can get what I need and be on my way...

There was something matronly about her despite being very diminutive. She laughed at my charm as people always do...but she gave me a hard, side-eyed glare at least once. It's always hard to read older women; they're even cattier than the bitches in high school. 

"Give me a call between 8:00 a.m. and 10:00 a.m. tomorrow and I'll let you know if there's a position available for you."

...what the hell does that mean?

Is there really competition to work until 3 a.m. serving grown men who will tip you based on whether or not you give them something to eye fuck? This is ridiculous and now I'm left feeling like I'm back to square one even though I was vying for basically nothing. I'm so low that I was still getting something and that's all that mattered. I left feeling stormy and of course, annoyed.

I returned to shoot at another spot in the bleakness that surrounds me. I'll be coming back here again; the scene matches my decor perfectly.

Shooting took about 20 minutes...I check the time on my phone, one missed call at 1:55 p.m....that's only a moment after I left the interview...it's a local number. There's a voicemail; I listen apprehensively. She needed me to call her as soon as possible. 

I called back. Now God is laughing at me.

pashmina scarf...gift
alpaca cardigan...vintage