Barack Obama Got Me New Shoes!

Since racist white people (sometimes referred to as conservatives*) want to overly attribute this nation's shortcomings to Obama, I figured I should give him completely undeserved credit for my newest purchase.

After I fulfilled my civic duty, I headed over to Urban Outfitters to see if the top item on my wants list had gone on sale since I tried them on a month ago. Because I voted, to make sure that Mormon demon and his evil minions didn't take office I got 20 percent off my purchase (soon to be delivered).

When I returned, I watched the POTUS rack up electoral votes...the intensity almost stopped my heart. There was a moment when he was down 9 electoral votes and the NBC news anchors were starting to sound nervous (although mostly objective, it's clear NBC leans a bit more left than right). As the red/blue map turned more red than blue, I felt my mouth get dry and my guts start to churn (WHY YOU GOTTA MAKE ERRYBODY WAIT OHIO???)...I had to change the channel to Sons of Anarchy to distract myself. When I flipped back, the local news had come on and apparently 45 percent of Michiganders were no longer here for the black guy plus, certain proposals that should have passed did not, which I also found disturbing...

I flipped back about an hour later to see that Obama had defeated that rich white dude 274 to 203.  

I guess I won't have to move to Canada after all.

 *I'm 100 percent unconcerned about being politically correct so please calm down, no one cares.