Some Reading | 2014 Billboard Music Awards

As soon as I saw that Pitbull was opening, I knew this would quite possibly be an unremarkable presentation...

Pitbull, Jennifer Lopez and Some Brazilian Chick I Will Never Hear About Again...Pitbull's chant singing was annoying, why do all bad rappers have to do that? 

JLo looked great, but I thought it was cool that they turned her mic down.

...hosted by Ludacris...okay. He is one of the best rappers out of the south and as long as he's not LL Cool J or Pitbull, I'm good.

One Republic...Ryan Tedder's haircut makes him look less ugly. However, his strained falsetto still makes me wince just a bit.

I  don't care if this wasn't from the show, he constantly looks like he's trying to hit a note that simply isn't there.

Charli XCX, Iggy Azalea and Ariana Grande... So Iggy and Charli looked like the cool girls in class who everyone hated, but wanted to be. I thought they were superb.

Ariana...There was something sort of overly cutesy about her performance, despite the fact that the camera man was doing his best not to up skirt her. Nevertheless, her vocals were on point and the production was great.

I'm surprised Disney cosigned that hemline...then again, maybe not.

Florida Georgia Line and Luke Bryan...Lukes hips don't lie, but seriously they all looked like a washed up boy band from the late '90s.

Shakira...um, so her vocal is like--an acquired taste. I'll just leave it at that. She looked amazing as usual.

....then Kendall Jenner proves why she'll never be a spokesmodel...

"Hahahaha! Reading good is for ugly people."

5 Seconds of Summer...Imma give 'em about 5 more seconds, but I do appreciate that they can play instruments.

Katy Perry...Candyland on acid...or something. It was all flash and forgettable.

I feel like she sleeps in this onsie.

Imagine Dragons...They're great, but every performance is kind of the same for me...

More drums than they can play...and literally the only thing I was inspired to draw.

MICHAEL FUCKING JACKSON KILLED IT AND HE WASN'T EVEN THERE.

...so are they going to bring back Aaliyah too?

Luke Bryan (again)...he was just one of the recycled performers that night.

Lorde..."Tennis Court" is my favorite song by her and I thought she did great; her awkward hand dancing has really improved.

Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert...suminbadizbouttahappen! A little screechy, but still cute.

John Legend...we get it, you love your supermodel wife, but your public affection is starting to gross me out more than Robin Thicke's constant begging for forgiveness. I'm just glad Chrissy found a hair style that works for her weird dumpling face:

Jason Derulo...that first song was stupid. The rest was very Chris Brown-ish complete with a trampoline and very well-executed choreography. He'll have a career as long as Chris Brown stays behind bars.

Miley Cyrus and the Flaming Lips...I don't know what she did in the middle of the song that got edited out for being too hot for ABC, but her vocal was on as usual and I honestly thought the gold confetti coat was legendary:

This is a screen cap of a gif...all I could find was either pixs of her with her tongue out or her legs open so...

Robin Thicke...his thin, throwaway vocals made for a boring performance; I was ready to move on faster than Paula Patton.

Jennifer Lopez...that entrance was awesome, she always knows how to throw down on stage even if she can't sing. There might be some dispute, but the bitch is a mogul and has had a hit every summer for the past ten years; I think she deserved the highest of the high legendary icon or whatever award.

Fashion Faves

Super sleek and sexy.

Iggy's red carpet style is always something to talk about. I loved this Zuhair Murad dress.

I thought Kelly actually did the best job of bearing boobies and midriff simultaneously.

Her coat was everything--gothic Sesame Street at first--but then--EVERYTHING.

It was actually this gorgeous jewel tone on TV. Best dressed man even though Pitbull was there.

I will never stop marveling at Kylie's transformation....

....even her bitch face is on point.

*All photos from Tumblr.

Overall, the award show was kind of forgettable with the exception of Michael Jackson being risen. Some people did more than just show up and some were just there, filling time. Even though I think it's important to showcase some fresh faces and rising stars, I hope next year they can have a more memorable impression.