Some Reading | 2015 Grammy Awards

The line up was better than last year’s, but would it be a snooze fest or nah?

LL Cool J was employed again. He’s kind of a coon, but at least he knows how to pretend a show is poppin’ even when it’s not (like last year).

Angus not so Young look at those knee wrinkles and Father Time on the drums.

AC/DC was the opener…I appreciate their legend, I really do, but starting off with such a geriatric representation of the music landscape was setting the bar a little low as far as excitement goes. I’ve said this several times before and I’ll say it again, award shows need to showcase what’s new and fresh instead of constantly recycling the same old acts. Nevertheless, Brian Johnson’s pipes haven’t aged a day, they did an amazing job.

Everyone’s favorite chubby choir boy, Sam Smith gets best new artist…okay this is the only white person getting rewarded for doing black things that I will just BARELY tolerate.

Ariana Grande…she went with the full pony tonight and the make up was on point. I thought the production was effortless and matched the song perfectly. However, there was something unexpectedly strained about her vocal, maybe she’s so used taking soaring notes the whole time and that mid-range isn’t her thing? I don’t know, but I was less than satisfied with her vocal performance, which is shocking to me. Lukewarm overall.

I thought that dress was trying way too hard, but it was the most exciting part of the performance.

Jessie J and Tom Jones…It was whatever…and also an indicator that there would be a lot of throwaway moments in this year’s show like there were last year.

Pharrell wins best pop solo performance. Well deserved, that song was everywhere and I actually thought it missed out on some awards last season.

Miranda Lambert…first off, the diet she’s been on has been working for her; she looked like a rockstar. I don’t know the song she was singing (nor do I care), but her performance was cute and lively and I really appreciated that.

Then Sam Smith wins another award and says he owes his career to being fat.

Kanye West…I hate rappers trying to sing…but he used autotune and it’s kind of a trademark thing for him…and the production was as minimalist as possible…it was all very Kanye.

This photo from Dailymail.com is from a totally different event, but I believe that is the background singer they cut away to at one point during the performance, she basically deserves a Grammy.

Madonna…I’m convinced she’s senile, but there’s a reason why her concerts are forever sold out. She didn’t sing much live, but that one back up singer killed it.

Beck wins something…can’t name one song by him off the top of my head, but like, I’m sure he’s somewhere in my iPod for some reason…he’s been on the scene for damn near 30 years so even though I might not have listened to his latest offering, I’m not going to pretend I don’t know his voice or who he is.

Credit, MrsBey on Tumblr

Beyoncé wins something. All hail the King.

Ed Sheeran, John Mayer, Questlove...Why does this ugly ginger always look so greasy? Was Questlove really necessary? I felt like it was another token black people in the background moment...another snooze set, but John Mayer looked fine as hell with all that ‘50s styling.

Can anyone identify this man? I feel like I should know, but I kind of don't care. He looked like a hippie unibomber, which I found draw-worthy.

Then yet another old artist performed…I didn’t even catch the name because I can’t understand that ginger’s accent. He gave all those white people in the audience their lives though (King Bey was standing and clapping, but I think she was just being nice because she looked a little confused).

She should have worn this on the red carpet.

Adam Levine and Gwen Stefani…whoever Gwen's surgeon is deserves an award for keeping her face snatched up and looking exactly the same since I was in middle school. She was definitely giving more face than vocals. The performance was kinda boring, but the song itself was the type of tune that plays in the background of a climatic scene on a popular tv drama so I guess it was okay.

Annie seen here, taking us all to church.

Hozier and Annie Lennox…this Hozier dude seems pretty cool and his voice is good enough where I don’t want him to be a one hit wonder. Even though she made the unforgivable mistake of coming for Beyonce, Lennox did get it done and was the only old white person who blew me away; her performance woke me up and was definitely a highlight of the night.

"The next.....performer.....is........." (credit house-of-xo on Tumblr)

Then the Weeknd comes out and reads like he’s been smoking reefer all night. Adorable.

...I wasn't clapping.

Pharrell, Long Long and way too many other people…I was so confused by that cacophonous remix of that overplayed song it was like he was trying to have a moment, but he just tried too hard or something. Usually Pharrell is charming, but tonight I was kind of annoyed...it’s like he was blatantly trying to kill the song. It was all just so loud and stressful.

Then Obama came on reminded us that he’s a feminist and some girl named Brooke basically explained the real story behind 50 Shades of Grey.

credit: CoverGirl on Tumblr

Katy Perry…you know, it’s really kind of rude that she’s been the game for as long as she has and has created so many super cute pop songs and whatnot, but has gotten zero Grammys. The production was very striking (loved the shadow dancing) and I really appreciated her vocal delivery.

Tony Bennet and Lady Gaga…first of all, I’m totally here for earthling Gaga; she looks fantastic and she proved she isn’t just a crazy costume gimmick and she gave one of the most charismatic vocals of the night (some even comparing it to the late, great Amy Winehouse). The performance was yet another highlight for me.

Usher (doing a Stevie wonder tribute)…another snooze--I mean, a very well performed, beautifully sang snooze, but a snooze nonetheless regardless of Stevie wandering in playing the harmonica.

Eric Church and some other bitch that I wasn’t paying enough attention to get the name of… I’m hittin' the REM cycle now.

So sexy and pissed off and just EVERYTHING. This was one of my favorite fashion looks of the night. Credit

Rihanna, Kanye and Paul McCartney…I don’t like that OneTwoThreeSeconds or whatever song at all, but Rihanna looked AMAZING. She actually sang the crap out of that song; I was impressed with the amount of energy they put into a performance that was basically a chant and some old guy on a guitar.

Mary J. Blige and Sam Smith…another overplayed song; at least Mary elevated its performance.

Juanes…he’s sexy as hell, but another who cares performance.

THEN PRINCE COMES OUT TO FUCK IT UP--LOOKIN LIKE A PINT SIZED GLASS OF TROPICANA OMG I WAS DYING AND THEN HE SAID BLACK LIVES STILL MATTER AND THAT PEOPLE NEED TO READ BOOKS. I’M STILL DYING. OMG.

He really didn't even need to say it; she stopped the world so we already knew. credit: Beyonce4world on Tumblr.

…oh and Kanye attempted to remind people that Beyoncé should be winning every category she’s in. It was another highlight.

Sia…It's maddening that she didn't win any awards last night considering her contributions to the industry, but her performance was so superb. I don't think Kristen Wiig can add dancer to her resume, but Maddie was delightful and the whole production was one of the more memorable highlights.

Beck and Chris Martin…bathroom break.

FINALLY, KING BEYONCE.

The costuming and production visuals were reminiscent of Solonge’s iconic wedding photo. It was so epic and just like sort of changed my life. I love the part where she looked like she caught the spirit and then when she waved her hand and the music stopped. I felt so blessed.

...she was literally handing out blessings.

John Legend and Common…proving the Grammys is not as white as the Oscars (oh and can you imagine the scandal if they had cut them off like they did last year?).

Fashion Faves...I selected only images I thought represented epic fashion moments not just glam looks:

Nicki Minaj continues to ascend to new heights of slayage.

Ciara was breathtaking actually.

So glam and gorgeous that I'm not even mad about her cootchie slit.

...just head to toe; so unreal.

Now, her dress was kinda ugly to me, but I have never noticed how stunning she is until she snipped that hair off. Zendaya was reborn.

I was going to show her red carpet shot instead, but this is so bossed up I can't even express my feelings. Kim just looks like an empress sitting amongst peasants and I'm living for it.

Finally, the belle of the ball in the gowniest of gowns, Rihanna never fails to amaze me...

...even the sweet, lightly tousled styling was so epic...

...such a historical fashion moment.

...and now, the not so wonderful...going from least offensive to WTF:

...I'm pretty sure this dress wasn't done.

It's like she went back to her "Can't be Tamed" wardrobe...

She straight up has man face and this looks like a horrendous prom gown.

BYE.

I love her so so much and this just made me a little sad.

  It's interesting because if this hair had been on a black woman with natural hair, it would have been beautiful...interesting and disgustingly ironic. Photo credit.       

WHO ASKED FOR IT?

**all unlinked photos from Tumblr


Although there were some wonderful highlights, I would have loved to see more new artists that I have never seen before or heard of, instead artists I haven’t heard from or didn’t care to see. However, if we focus on the positive: Beck, who has been around since Beyoncé was singing “no no no no no”, provided Kanye with the opportunity to pull his first Kanye of 2015; Obama got people talking about violence against women despite the presence of NFL players presenting and Chris Brown being nominated; and finally, Iggy did not win anything so that’s a victory for us all. Overall, leaps and bounds better than last year and definitely exciting enough to build anticipation for the next one.

Some Reading | 2014 American Music Awards

Another Sunday, another award show--the American one this time. Here's what I saw go down....

First off, Pitbull was hosting--AGAIN. I did my best to ignore his presence for the rest of the night.

MOVING ON

Taylor Swift’s opening...I have to say her new album is very tempting…but I honestly feel like she has enough money already and I cannot purchase music from someone I feel I can out-sing.

Her facial expressions were on point though...but that was about it.

The stage production was spot on as usual; her dress was exquisite and I’m glad she used a massive amount of playback because the song is actually cute and I hate when her live performances ruin her songs. Yay for moderately talented white girls.

Then Pitbull came back...I like how he had a brainfart when he got to the stage. His jokes were dumb. The Spanish inserts were dumb. Everything he did was dumb. Pitbull is dumb.

One Direction wins something. They’re not even American. Go back across the pond already.

Charli XCX...I love her commitment to the '90s…really, I do…but I was living for that costume change, she does vampy sex kitten so well—with comfortable shoes at that. I was scared she would fall out of her bra when they flipped her over though.

I hope she took a shower...for that green bunny's sake.

Her performance was glorious.

Wyclef Jean and Magic?...honestly, I’ve been hearing that song all over the place and kind of hating it so I never knew who they were…I hate reggae music…it just has one beat that doesn’t go anywhere. The performance was a bathroom break.

Then an Australian white woman wins in a rap/hip hop category…and she brings a coon up to validate her award.

...apparently this is the only female rapper he thinks can rap.

 ....it was unnerving to say the least.

I actually thought there were five-whatever, the middle one is my favorite, whoever he is.

5 Seconds of Summer...summer is fucking over--but I WILL give them credit, that first white boy, the one with the short blond hair, he can actually sing really well and I loved their energy. Okay random white boys, points for y’all.

Imagine Dragons…lots of lasers and smoke…and there was choir this time instead of extra drums. The song sounded cool, but basically exactly like all their other ones. It was kind of underwhelming, but I still like them.

That duster looked gross.

Sam Smith and Asap Rocky...Sam stays looking like a chubby alter boy and I thought that performance was boring with Asap not really adding any flare.

Some people on Tumblr thought this was a mockery of the Black Panther symbol, I think that's splitting hairs, but I wouldn't be surprised if her ignorant ass actually thinks that's what the Black Panthers symbol looks like.

Iggy Azalea and Charli for like a second…All that dancing and rhyming…still not impressed.

Lorde…I liked how she started off alone in a cube and then danced like she was still alone in a cube. Girl went off though so I'm not even trying to shade her. One of the best performances of the night.

Ariana and the Weeknd…first of all, two of the greatest vocals I’ve ever heard together...I can’t even handle it. Her opening medley was gorgeous. Something about her appearance, the black lace and the soft half pony (as opposed to the severe one) made her look…her age.

So much sexier when you look with your ears.

However, the Weeknd appeared looking under-dressed as fuck. Is he not signed so he doesn’t have the funds for a stylist? Could someone at least get him some nice shoes or something? I don’t care how lined up his edges were, his dreads (or whatever the fuck that is) looked like they smelled bad.

Pitbull did something else. It was an endorsement for a disgusting alcoholic beverage. Then his one black friend Ne-Yo came in looking tacky as fuck…the song was dumb and the performance was forgettable. I refuse to document it with an image of any kind.

...that confused, forlorn expression to me was just so strange. I did not understand nor do I want to.

Selena Gomez…she starts off talking about Justin Bieber. That was a little much for me. In fact it was very awkward…and that imagery in the background…so dramatic and just. Too. Much. And what was she mouthing? Oh, ‘thank you Jesus’, for what? A career that largely benefits from her associations with bigger more talented people, or what?…wtf was all that nonsense? WHERE ARE THE PARENTS? I cannot. I commend her for actually singing live and singing well though. She looked great from the neck down.

Kinda liked his jacket too. Okay that's TWO good things to say.

One Direction…I love Harry’s voice (that is the ONLY good thing I will ever say). The performance was a snooze though.

Lil’ Wayne and Christina Milian…I bought this girls first album, that "AM to PM" song was my jam. They had the third stage set to include flames so it really wasn’t that impressive. The song was dumb and kind of gross because I don't want to imagine Lil' Wayne having sex with anyone.

Nicki Minaj ft. Skylar Grey…Nicki looked AMAZING. I don’t know anything about Skylar, but I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be impressed with her singing or not…like, Nicki could have sang all that and it would have had the same effect.

Dick Clark Award of Excellence to Taylor Swift. I don’t even care, one wrong move and Queen Beyonce can end her entire life. We all know she should have won that award which they basically made up just to give to her.

Fergie and some black rapper meant to validate her rapping that was still better than Iggy's rapping…I haven’t seen her do anything in a minute...however, I felt like she was too old to be wearing like--ALL that she was wearing. What was the random removal of clothing for? For what? To show us more of that tacky bodysuit? Why? Nobody asked for it. The song was annoying.

Garth Brooks…he’s been famous since I was in third grade…anyone remember when he had that alter ego or whatever? Chris Gaines. I miss Chris Gaines.

Mary J. Blige…I liked her quiet stage production. No flames or anything. The understated nature of it all made me want to pay attention even more. It was refreshing and one of my favorite performances of the night.

Jessie J, Ariana and Nicki…After Blige's quiet performance, the sparkles were back in full force. Nicki’s natural hair look was stunning on her and all her clothes were on. They looked amazing and sounded great. It was lovely.

JLo and Iggy…I've never heard the song before and I thought the Madonna "Vogue" intro was intriguing. The flashdance moves were so JLo, but ironically, that body suit made her look like she had a small booty. The choreo was very 2nd rate Beyonce (that’s was me being nice, I could have said third rate because we all know JLO can’t sing). Overall, good production as expected, but still somewhat forgettable. I think I would have found it more memorable if she fell on her booty like she did last time.


Fashion Faves...I think almost everyone really tried.

We've seen this look from her before, but I'm still living for it; the shoes were fabulous.

Clean, precise glam from Miss Kendall

Kate Beckinsale stole the show. This woman doesn't age and she always looks flawless.

Always flawless. Loving the minimalist styling.

He looked like a rock star in a very sexy way as opposed to a cheesy one.

That thread count tho...so luxe.

I wondered if that top knot hairstyle was a nod to her ex-boyfriend's sister in light of that infamous Paper magazine cover.

Old Hollywood glam from Mary J.

She wore a variation of this for her performance and even though her vocals sucked the vampy look did not.

I love when she does short dresses, so cute.

This is one of the most perfectly tailored pantsuits I have ever seen. Well done once again Jessie J.

I did not care for that black dress she wore, but I stan for her so I'll focus on the positive, this look was so much fun.

Yes, it could have used some steam, but Zendaya is always taking fashion risks I really appreciate; this color palette was stunning on her--and of course her hair was glorious.

I don't even watch The Walking Dead, but Danai Gurira slayed my whole life.

...and Fashion not-so-favorites...

It made her look old and fat.

How does such a beautiful color end up looking so cheap? Oh, must be the trying-too-hard crisscross nonsense.

Those pants and those orthopedic shoes make him even fatter.

I don't know who she is, but this hurt my eyes a little.

**All non drawings from Tumblr

I mean, I gotta keep this totally real: that was three hours of cultural misappropriation and seen-it-before bullshit. Even though it was nice to see some new talent being showcased, I still wish it was done with more flare and maybe less flames (literally, like, there was fire every other performance). Aside from the highlights previously noted, I don't really think there was anything too special about this presentation.