Some Reading | Big Brother 17 Week 5

Episode 13: Finally…?

James's game play is so slick--actually, James for the win. The way he refocused the target on Audrey was so perfectly executed because to be honest, he’s one of the biggest threats in the house. I mean, Audrey is no different than any other floater that can’t keep their mouth shut (Da’ was obviously too "mouthy", Jason is too chatty and now Austin is getting a little too loquacious and only one of them was/is a physical threat).

Anyway, all this drama leaves Shelli in a pool of white woman tears and it’s so annoying, like she’s once again crying about something she did that she didn’t have to do, but did anyway…? I’m so irritated with her.

...this bitch...

The Veto Comp

Vanessa’s win was exactly what I didn’t want for the simple fact that I thought Jason was unfairly targeted and I wanted him to stay in the house. I mean he’s the only one whose script reading doesn’t come off contrived…probably because he’s a sassy gay.

After the veto comp Audrey is back at it, this time pissing off the Mommy and Me couple to the point of confrontation. It’s as if she thrives on drama? Like, really all she has to do is be quiet and float on her transgender status. I’m still not convinced she’s going home. Not one bit.

Even when she gets put up as a replacement nominee I’m still not convinced. I have to see her walking up to Julie and shaking her hand to do her interview.

Episode 14: Never Say Never

Must we always get a recap of Shelli’s petty emotions? Must we? I hate her more and more with each appearance.

Audrey isn’t even giving people the satisfaction of looking at her let alone participating in the game…it’s kind of hilarious for her to go from someone who couldn’t help but draw all of the attention to herself to literally hiding from the camera.

I mean, based on the concern the housemates showed for her I know this is exactly why despite her ridiculous behavior, they treated her with kid gloves. Honestly, if it was me I would’ve called her a coward and prepared her send off with fireworks and champagne.

She’s already admitting defeat by eating regular food (I still remember when Jen from BB8 went nuts and did that) so her leave is rather unceremonious and sad.

Everyone but Judas votes her out…I almost thought she wasn’t going to hug anyone before she left, but a couple people decided to embrace her after all.

Side note: Jackie looked like a '90s pop princess and I was so here for it:

HOH Comp

I’m so proud of Jackie for winning it, I could tell by her decisiveness that she was ready to shake things up and start playing a more active game. During the Julie Chen segment, Britney’s joke about “seeing her for the first time” was correct because this is basically the first time people in the house are going to see her as a factor in the game…I am also interested to see if the other strong floater, Becky, is going to finally start making more moves, it almost looked like she threw the competition.

Episode 15: Game of Queens

Despite the fact that they tend to be absurdly catty sometimes, the ladies have figured out how to run the house…I mean it’s easy enough considering they’re playing with morons.

Let’s look at the Optimus Prime of all Morons: Austin. He really wants to blow up the twin game because of what his dick told him to do? He’s legit creating a drama for the sake of his some pussy? REALLY? I think he’s even dumber than Jeff was.

Anyway, Vanessa is having none of his shit is driven to basically dismantle his game…starting with telling Julia that he was willing to sacrifice her to get to her twin’s pussy. I just…wow…where is my popcorn tho--this is amazing.

Props to Vanessa for basically bulldozing the plan and almost single-handedly crafting Austin’s demise. Her efficiency is frightening.

Nominations (as planned): Liz and James from Jackie and Clay and Becky (at least she’s playing again) from Vanessa

BoB

Good Lord…that was wild from start to finish--I blame Becky's loss on Clay’s lack of available brain cells as most are occupied with his mommy complex.

Some Reading | Big Brother 17 Week 4

Episode 10: Nobody Wants It

When is John going to play his own game…? Like, seriously? I’m getting bored with this pawn strategy.

Audrey getting voted out is like me having that black leather cape from Givenchy's fall/winter line; I want it so bad, but it just seems so unrealistic to me…

How is it that Jeff, who barely knows where he is or what is going on half the time, is a bigger threat than James who could legit sail to final four if they let him? Austin stays missing the mark and I think he’s playing with fire by working so closely with Vanessa—she’d totally ditch him for a stronger alliance with Audrey in a heartbeat—and Audrey barely knows how to keep an alliance with anyone at all.

On a very positive note, my faves Princess Becky and Princess Jackie are doing the damn thing and keeping it cute and lowkey, I haven’t even seen a DR appearance from them…these ladies are sneaking into to top six at least.

The Veto Comp

It was already decided by Vanessa that Audrey was to win the competition in order to ensure James’s exit. Unfortunately, she didn’t count on John actually being trained to roll in a giant dice (what exactly goes on at dental school tho?). I was rooting for him mainly because I think it’s dumb that he’s not in their alliance but they expect him to do things for their alliance.

After the competition Vanessa confronted Austin about trying to throw the competition and suddenly he finally started to feel the heat from the fire he was playing with...she was crying…he was throwing things…and now their alliance was in jeopardy. And if that type of emotional (actually, more like aggressive) behavior can get Da’vonne out of the house I hope his days are numbered.

When Jeff has a conference with Vanessa basically her whole plan to get James out instead of Audrey becomes secondary as he once again starts spreading information people already know and further digs a hole for himself…then of course Austin is forced to confront Jeff (in front of a smarmy-looking Clay and Shelli)--like all of this shit because no one wants to look like an asshole and get rid of the kind of psycho transgendered lady…?

Anyway I think putting Jeff up and possibly out of the house is not really the best plan for anyone like literally all he does is talk shit, but because he’s not in a position of power, it’s of no consequence.

Episode 11: Strategy Feels

James is like, doing his best to look like the "nonthreatening Asian dude" right now…I mean that’s all he has to do is pretend like he can’t win literally everything.

When the house starts to weigh the options between James and Jeff I realize Jeff has basically transformed into a pre-op version of Audrey. He’s literally going out of his way to stir things up for basically no reason. It’s so bizarre.

Why was the acting so bad when Shelli and Jeff were talking/reading their script? Maybe because he’s a horrible salesman…? Or maybe because Shelli is a wack ass, fake ass bitch…? I don’t know…maybe the producers need to pick a better cast.

After the blanket rendezvous between Jeff and Liz gets Austin all riled up, I really had no idea how the votes would fall--it all comes down to emotions and alliances; people are voting with their hearts instead of their heads.

The votes:

James out: Jackie, John, Steve, Liz (wow, she’s serious about running her own game)
Jeff out: Austin, Meg, Clay, Shelli, Jason, Becky, Audrey

Shelli and Liz as HOHs mean that the Sixth Sense alliance is the only one that is tried and true so far.

Episode 12: Judas Rising

The aftermath of the latest eviction is taking its toll: Steve is having conversations with himself. I pray for that kid all the time, he always just looks like he's losing even when he's not...

When they did the HOH room bit, I muted the letter reading part when Shelli was talking…I have an aversion to her voice; it’s sounds so shrill and entitled.

When the two HOHs deliberate with alliance members suddenly my two faves Jackie and Becky are thrown into the conversation. I’m annoyed. I mean Jackie is barely a threat, Becky, yes, because she’s a beast at competitions, but Jackie has a wonderful social game and she’s genuinely intelligent.

When Jackie goes to Shelli after Austin’s clumsy attempt to manipulate her fails, she makes a power play that sends a ripple in the house’s strongest alliance…I was so proud of her.

After a conference with Vanessa, it’s confirmed, Austin is very close to getting burned…and suddenly Jason is the target? Because he’s a threat to someone? Oh wait, according to Audrey who’s a crazy person. Still.

Nominations: James and Jackie from Liz and Jason and John (like basically all the Js left except the twin)

After the ceremony Liz and Jackie talked as if Liz was the head of a sorority Jackie wasn't white enough to get into. It was so irritating. And so catty. And basically the reason why women almost never win Big Brother.

Shelli confirms Audrey is on that shit again and tells Jason. It all comes down to the BoB regardless so I didn’t really care. Not to mention the fact that Audrey is simply never sitting in that nomination chair. Ever. I don’t care how many “concerns” Shelli has.

When the twins switch and I kind of loved that Liz admitted to using that pussy power to get herself farther in the game. I feel like she learned that from her sorority days…

BoB competition

I was really rooting for John and Jason because one is basically up there because apparently that’s his job and the other because Audrey hasn’t stopped being a loon.

I was happy James and Jackie got it though because it means one of my faves has a chance to start playing a real game and one of the strongest players will continue to quietly fuck shit up.

Some Reading | Big Brother 17 Week 2

I see Jace’s threatening presence as much as I see the resemblance between Meg and Taylor Swift. It’s kinda there, but not really…

EPISODE 4: Early Distractions

Jace is informed by his bro Austin that he is a target because like…what is doing…?

Audrey and James continue to make fake alliances…I think Da’vonne and Audrey are really the only ones I see being loyal to each other so far…but who knows.

Jeff goes all scared of black people on Da’vonne and I’m like, gurl please keep the Ingawood INSIDE YOUR HEART. Yes, he was being a little overly suspect of her moving throughout the house, but he could have just asked nicely…and he definitely didn't need to stir up shit with Shelli and Clay.

On that point, Clay can get his pretty ass on back to Texas I’m so over him. I’m over any white person coming for a black girl on having a “negative attitude” just because she told them the truth about themselves. Like, BYE. He needs to just sit there, play out his little mommy complex with Shelli and keep it cute.

Now Audrey is doing damage control, which prompts Clay to make a fake ass apology, which Da'vonne was fully aware of. Poor thing is too smart for this game and I’m afraid it will be her early undoing.

Then they do the Veto competition where people start making up words…

When Jeff once again criticizes Jackie for losing, I’m like, JEFF, BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING ASIDE FROM CAUSING DRAMA WITH PEOPLE? At least the bitch is trying to make moves. I highly doubt she will carry him through the competition unless she is that desperate for dick.

I’m so proud of Steve. I just want that loser to win whenever he can :)

After the competition, Audrey is doing THE MOST, much more than my sloth ass can ever imagine--apparently at 5 A.M. too.

Aww Jace cried when he was nominated for eviction…I kinda felt bad for the guy. I mean the only reason people came for him is because he was too likeable, which is kinda petty.

EPISODE 5: Later Bro

Jace basically accuses James of violating the rule #1039843 of the bro code, “thou shalt not nominate bro”.

His sincerity is endearing as he passionately rallies for himself. I was here for him going off on Audrey.

Side note: So Liz and Julia are twins. I swear one has fake boobs so that might give it away. So far, I don’t really care.

Everybody, but Audrey’s crazy ass votes to evict Jace. I’m wondering how it will play out when people figure it out…I feel like she’ll tell them herself though because she’s kind of stupid.

Becky gets HOH--yessssss!

Shelli gets HOH--nooooooo :(

EPISODE 6: She cute doe

Audrey’s at her nonsense again and now people are wearing their sunglasses indoors--damn, it’s only week two.

I’m seriously living for Da’vonne, she already had Audrey halfway out the door; ghetto clapping and everything as she gathered her receipts and blew up all the deception (honestly, it might have scared the white people even more).

Later both HoHs Shelli and Becky talk pawns with Audrey as the new backdoor target…I found it interesting that Shelli didn’t want Audrey to feel “unhappy or attacked” because that means Audrey’s transgender status is working in her favor, leaving the target spot open for………Da’vonne? Oh, of course, the mouthy black chick who told them about themselves, yup she’s definitely a threat even though she hasn’t won a single competition nor has she directly targeted anyone in the house and only became a threat after literally walking around.

I mean I’m annoyed because Da’ is actually the one they should keep in the house because her boisterous attitude is a distraction from any real game play…we have seen characters like this in the past with a bigger bark than bite, rocking the boat all the way until the end. It’s hard for me to believe they think someone who is so upfront with their character is a bigger threat than someone who has been lying to everyone from the moment they opened their mouth. I mean, do Shelli and Clay realize Da’vonne probably wouldn’t trust them outside of the house anyway...? 

....mmmmhm.

Other notes: Becky finally explains why her face looks a little wonky: she’s been bitch-slapped by a train. I’m wondering if surviving that type of traumatic experience will give her to boldness to confront Shelli or Clay when she realizes they lied to her…

Nominations: Da’ and John from Shelli and Jason and Steve from Becky.

BoB Competition

I love how organized Jason and Steve were and at least Da’vonne still has the veto and Jason on her side. Her performance during the competition was unfortunate and hopefully not an indication of her strategy long term.

Seeing how irrationally vindictive Shelli is and how bat shit crazy Audrey is makes me think back to the time Da’ did not want to pick either one of them for safety with that first twist. It’s like she knew they were kind of shady people and sort of wanted to make it known in a passive aggressive way…?

Some Reading | Big Brother 17 Week 1

I'm kind of a superfan of the show and I used to do reviews for each episode on my Tumblr. This season I've decided to do weekly reviews on here instead. They will be blunt. They will be illustrated. Let's proceed...

EPISODE 1: The first players

James...doesn’t know he’s Asian and his white parents refuse to tell him.
Meg...has a gay best friend so she probably thinks she's better than everyone.
Jace...could be a physical threat with the x games skill set.
Audrey...better be as smart as she is pretty.
Austin/Judice…his alter ego will serve him better than his artsy Masters degree.
Da’vonne…Yay. Black girl.
Clay...also better be as smart as he is pretty.
Shelli...says she ripped a house apart by herself…she already needs to chill.

First Impressions...

Shelli wants to jump Clay’s bones and he’s down...and I think it’s gross.

Da’vonne wastes no time and starts playing the game from the moment of introduction...smart lady.

Austin tries the same game of deception, but I don’t think anyone is going to think of his injuries when he’s scaling a wall in a physical competition.

James likes Meg and no one likes James.

Audrey used to be a man. I hear that's real trendy these days.

Moving on...

First alliance baby: Audrey Da’vonne and Shelli…unlikely and weak considering Shelli is clearly looking for a boy husband and Da'vonne deadass doesn’t believe Audrey’s transgender story--that actually made me laugh, I don’t even care.

Battle of the Block is back. Loves it. It keeps people fighting all the time, which is great. However they are doing the most with the twists this season, apparently there will be one every week called the "BB Takeover". Twist one is reveled as the Twin Twist; they have already made an entire season out of this so it’s whatever, I honestly don't even care who it is.

HOH Competition #1
James fucks shit up. This would make him a threat, but he’s still going to be perceived as "a little Asian dude" so probably not.

EPISODE 2: and the other ones...

I’m noticing all of the house guests are really young, like under 40…I was hoping they would have that older/wiser player to balance out the young and dumb bullshit.

Liz…She has blonde hair and a ditzy personality. She uses the word "bae". She's irrelevant right from the jump.
Jason…is gay and lives in his mom’s basement. Nuff said.
Vanessa…she looks like Iggy Azalea so I kind of hate her.
John…his voice is annoying and he also has no lips, but I love that he went to dental school solely for money.
Becky…is the whitest person on the show. She will go far.
Steve…I’m rooting for him. Someone has to.
Jeff and Jackie from the Amazing Race are brought in. According to the clips, Jackie is a spitfire so I like her and Jeff looks like a Baldwin brother so I will try to like him. Steve makes a very good point that they are basically already an alliance making them a target.

HOH Comp #2 and other Notes...

The second HOH competition is even more gross than the first. Why did they put even more slim on them when they were beamed up? Da'vonne probably would have thrown a fit.

I love how HOH winner Jason made a deal with Jackie solely based on her shoes. His brand of sassy gay is growing on me.

I also like how Da'vonne is literally the only one playing the game: “The dudes get in power and send the girls packin’ not season 17, not on my watch, I’m not havin’ it.” She stays ready.

Da'vonne and Vanessa might get rewarded for something. I wonder how this will affect her way-too-soon alliance.

EPISODE 3: First Moves 

Everyone seems to be getting a little cliquey already, some even boldly stating their alliances (Jace and Austin) however, Jeff and Jackie are pretending they’re not in an alliance, but they’re literally IN BED TOGETHER.

BB Takeover from the Amazing Race guy gives Da'vonne and Vanessa the power to be not nominated or evicted and pick someone for that same privilege. Vanessa and Da'vonne strategically pick people to take to safety…Da'vonne figured her rather obscure alliance would be too obvious if she chose one of the members. I thought that was rather irrational.

Steve struggles to hide the fact that winning Big Brother is really the only way he can stop being such a loser.

Shelli needs to back up off Clay’s little mama’s boy ass and go fix those random pink tips in her hair. Da'vonne and Audrey are not impressed, which basically eliminates whatever loose alliance they'd formed previously.

The two HOHs start fishing for pawns with Jace as the first backdoor target (his workout regime and streaking was just too much to bear). It's all pretty smooth until they get to Steve who is too nervous to agree to anything despite the fact that he had an opportunity to negotiate (a loser AND an idiot).

Nominations: John and Becky from Jason; Steve and Jackie from James.

Like, Steve looked so sad and upset and it kind of broke my heart. Then here comes Becky with her white woman tears--so sneaky. I was living for it.

Becky and John win safety. I was rooting for Steve, but I’m not mad. I wanna see if Becky makes good on her intention of going after Jason for nominating her. She's now an active floater to keep an eye on.